Trial and Error
by SmutSmutSmut
Summary: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have known each other for eternity, but what happens when Sirius starts to make new friendships, leaving the old ones behind. A tale of heartache, lust, hunger, bittersweetness and pain. RemusXSirius
1. Chapter 1

Trial and Error

When your heart struggles to grasp the one you love. When you're left to pick up the broken pieces of your heart. When friendships falter, who will be left standing. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have known each for eternity, but what happens when Sirius starts to make new friendships, leaving the old ones behind. A tale of heartache, lust, hunger, bittersweetness and pain. RemusXSirius

-&-

Laughter filled their heavy hearts as they lay clutching their sides in the grass. "How about this one, " the taller boy sat up and cleared his throat. "How many Animagi does it take to light up a wand?" The shorter boy shrugged, snickering through his fingers. "Two dozen, because only one of them is actually registered." Both boys were sent into another fit of giggles as they rolled around in the grass. The two boys relaxed and breathed a sigh as their laughter slowly ceased.

"Okay, enough jokes, Padfoot. It's getting late," Remus said glancing up at the clouds which were slowly turning pink. Sirius whined, giving his best friend that all too knowledgeable puppy pout. Remus rolled his eyes and shook his head at the feeble attempt. "Sir, your mum is probably throwing a fit by now." It was Sirius' turn to roll his eyes, "That old hag?" A small gasp escaped from Remus' lips, but Sirius pretended not to notice. "I doubt she even knows I exist, let alone left the house for a few hours."

Remus tutted and shook his head as he picked himself up and brushed the dirt from his torn jeans. He offered his hand to the taller boy, which he gradually took and hoisted him up. Mimicking Remus he brushed the dirt from his shabby clothes and gave a stretch.

"Were those the clothes you were wearing earlier?" Remus remarked as they started descending the hill. Sirius gave a half-caring shrug, "I don't wear the rubbish clothes my mum gives me. Something about looking presentable." He glanced down at the two sizes to big t-shirt and pair of grungy, dark, run down jeans. "I think these suit me just fine. Got them off the muggle rack for next to nothing!" He beamed defiantly.

Sirius' house could be seen just over the next hillside and Remus gradually slowed his pace. "I guess this is where I get off," he altogether stopped walking and shoved his hands into the dirty pockets of his jacket. Sirius gave a half nod and watched Remus kick the ground awkwardly. The darker haired boy reached over and pulled the smaller framed boy into arms. Immediately Remus' arms shot up to wrap around Sirius as he pressed his face into the boy's chest.

Holding him close, Sirius leaned down close to the boy's ear, "I'm really going to miss you Rem." Remus nodded, still holding tight to the boy. Sirius let out a hallow laugh as the grip around his waist tightened. Kissing the boys sandy hair he spoke again, "It's only a few days till we begin school again. Mum will have me under house arrest until then, but I'm home free once I hit that station." He gave Remus a little nudge and was gifted with a weak smile.

Reluctantly Remus let go of the boy and stepped back. "Yeah, I'll be seeing you Sir." He waved until he could no longer see the top of the boy's messy black hair, in which he gradually lowered his arms and shoved his hands back into his pockets.

Making a left he slowly made his way down the steep hill side and into the streets. He glanced once more up at the darkening clouds. Rushing to get home before rain threatened to fall he picked up his pace.

He pushed open the front door, clothes dripping, and called out. "Mum? Dad? I'm home!" He shrugged off the worn jacket and hung it up the coat hanger. "Hello? Is anyone home?" Hiking up his dripping pants he quickly slipped into the bedroom and changed before heading out into the kitchen. "What do you guys want for dinner tonight?" He called out again.

Poking his head of the door frame of the kitchen he glanced around and sighed a breath of relief. "There you guys are," he made his way towards the two photographs placed upon a mantle. Striking a match he lit the candles. "I was getting worried mum and dad," the pictures merely grinned up at him, oblivious to the surroundings.

"I've got spaghetti sauce in the microwave if you guys are hungry," he turned from the pictures and headed back into the kitchen to check on dinner. He dumped a full package of noodles into a boiling pot on the stove. Setting the table for three, he placed the food onto each plate. He glanced around at the empty table, "Well, if you guys aren't hungry," he said, a little put off.

Remus finished up his meal and cleared the rest of the dishes. Settling down into the living room he glanced once more at the pictures. "You guys are awfully quiet tonight." The pictures merely smiled up at him, unblinking. Remus shook his head and blew the candles out before retreating to his bedroom.

_Sirius is right, _he thought to himself, _in a few more days we'll be at Hogwarts and I'll see him soon. _Remus didn't want to admit to himself, let alone Sirius, how terrified he was to be starting school for the first time.

He remembered the night he received his letter. His hands trembled as he clutched the sealed letter in his hand. The owl beside him crowed and nipped at his hand, expecting a treat. Remus had gotten over the shock after a few days and had begged Sirius to take him to buy the essential supplies he'd needed.

And so, Remus found himself sitting on his bed, reading his letter over and over. The parchment was worn from too much handling, the words faded. But Remus knew it all by heart. He could recite the letter with his eyes closed, hands tired behind his back, in his sleep. It didn't take Remus long to fall asleep, dreaming of the day he'd step onto Platform nine and three-quarters. Dreaming of the day he'd finally be a part of something.

-&-

He struggled to pull his suitcase along. Mentally he went through the list inside his head: Wand, Robe, Cauldron, Books, Owl. It was all there, right exactly where he'd placed it two weeks before. He had packed, re packed, and then packed it all again. He was determined to be prepared, to fit in.

"Remus!" He whirled around and couldn't help but mimic the curly haired boys grin. "Sirius, where have you been! I was looking for you." Suddenly he was pulled tightly against the boys lean body. Sirius leaned down close and whispered into his ear.

"I found us a spot on the train. Come on." He snatched up Remus' bag and trudged off. Remus let go of the breath he'd been holding in as a soft flush graced his cheeks. "Sirius, wait up!"

He filed in after Sirius into the compartment and slowly sat down on the seat across from him. Sirius stretched, sliding his arms across the back of the seat and stared at Remus, cocking his head slightly.

"This is it." Remus nodded, smiling softly. "You're not nervous?" He was amazed at how calm Sirius could be. Sirius gave a half shrug and glanced up as two more boys stumbled into the compartment.

"I hope you don't mind mate," the bloke said, slipping down beside Sirius. The other boy followed suit. A short, pudgy boy dug through his luggage and pulled out a chocolate bar. The boy had yellow-blond hair and his fat fingers clutched the messy bar. The other boy, sitting to Sirius' right, was the same height as him. He had unruly black hair which stuck up in every direction. He had dark glasses and a huge grin was plastered over his face.

He stared between Remus and Sirius before sliding his hand out. "I'm James Potter, that lump over there is Peter Pettigrew." Sirius took the boys hand, shaking it with a strong grip and grinned. "I'm Sirius Black and this is Remus Lupin." Remus smiled shyly while James eyes widened. "_The _Sirius Black?"

Sirius blinked at the boy a couple of times before raising his eyebrow and smirking. "So you've heard of me?" The raven haired boy laughed lucidly. "Who _hasn't _heard about you." The two boys spent the rest of the train ride discussing animatedly between themselves, the one boy they called Peter clinging onto every word.

Remus had tried to keep up with the discussions but every time he'd grasped onto something, the subject would change and he found himself lost again. He finally gave up and ignored the boys, pulling out a book and blocking out their chatter.

The sun had set before the train pulled into the station. The lights inside the castle glowed, illuminating the place. It looked inviting, warm, and Remus couldn't wait to be a part of that. The learning, the love, the passion. He glanced around, noticing the compartment was empty.

Grabbing his trunk he followed the other first years off the train and listened to the booming voice. "First years this way! First years over here!" Remus stared up at the giant man, his eyes wide, burning with curiosity. Sirius Black was no where in sight as Remus clambered into the rocky boat. His eyes searched frantically but his search came up short.

Sighing, Remus figured he'd find him inside. The boat sprung to life and he found himself floating closer towards the glowing castle. His heart began to beat fast; What if he didn't fit in? What if his letter had been meant for someone else and he wasn't suppose to be there? What if they found out his secret?

Remus shook his head, trying to rid his mind of silly thoughts. Of course he'd fit in. No one would ever find out his secret. He trusted Sirius not to tell anyone, in fact, he trusted Sirius with his very life. He filed in behind the other first years and stopped, pushing his way through the crowd to stand beside Sirius. He felt Sirius' arm snake around his waist, a smile gracing his face.

A tall, older women surveyed the students behind her spectacles, her lips were a thin, tight smile. "Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I am Professor Mcgonagall.

"In a moment, you will follow me through that door," she gestured to the large brass door behind her, "and you will sorted into the appropriate house. _Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, _and _Slytherin._

"When your name is called, step up to the stool. When your house is decided, please go and sit with your house. Are there any questions?" Dozens of curious eyes stared up at the woman but no one spoke.

"Very well then, follow me." She led the students through the doors; all eyes were on them, the excitement in the room was buzzing and the older students chatted eagerly, making guesses who would be placed in what house. Professor Mcgonagall stopped and faced the first years. She pulled a long, thin parchment from beneath her robes, straightened her glasses and began to read. "Ethys Argty." He scrambled up to the stool. The room was silent for a few moments before, "HUFFLEPUFF!" A group in the middle cheered as Ethys went to join them.

The students began to dwindle, Marty Batterson had been sorted into Slytherin; Alice Atis into Ravenclaw; Lionel Bittle, Kyre Bert, and Tyran Banty into Gryffindor.

"Sirius Black." Someone behind him gave him a nudge. "No doubt Slytherin." Sirius snorted softly and made his way up to the stool. He could hear the hat talking quietly and Sirius just shook his head. Suddenly the hat sprung to life, "GRYFFINDOR!" The entire Gryffindor table erupted in applause and shouts. His grin was wide as he sat down, relishing in the pats on the back and the ruffle of his hair. He spun around, eyes fixed on Lupin.

"Remus Lupin." Remus let out a soft squeak as he slipped onto the stool. The hat was silent for a moment. _A thirst for knowledge. A hunger to learn. _"RAVENCLAW!" The Ravenclaws were ecstatic but all Remus could hear was his heart hit the floor. Ravenclaw? That wasn't the house Sirius was in.

The dark haired boy looked just as puzzled as he watched as Remus timidly walked towards his table. Remus watched with envy as both Peter Pettigrew and James Potter were sorted into Gryffindor and joined Sirius at his side. Why wasn't he sorted there? Was he not good enough? Remus tried to listen to what his house mates were saying, but Remus' head swam with questions.

It was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus made it his personal goal not to bother anyone for anything. He didn't like being a nuisance and if he could help it he'd prefer to do things on his own. So why was it no matter how hard he tried, a certain group of people would go out of their way to make him miserable.

"Nice robes Lupin, why are they so bloody ratty? Parents spend too much money trying to fix your face?" James looked smug as the group roared with laughter.

"I think they might want their money back on that one," Peter piped up, causing them all to fall into another fit of laughter.

Remus tried his best to ignore their remarks usually, but when he caught a glimpse of Sirius laughing along with the rest of them, it took all he had not to lose it right then and there.

Over the few weeks, Sirius had found a comfortable place with the other two boys. He belonged in Gryffindor, and as such was entitled to be friends with two of the most rowdy boys of the house. They were often cruel and mocked those beneath them, which was just about everyone. James and Peter had a particular beef with Remus.

He had barely begun his Hogwarts journey and he was already being slammed into walls, shoved and tripped in the hallways, and the butt of almost every cruel joke. But it wasn't the jokes or the bruises that hurt Remus the most, no; it was that Sirius Black was always there with them. Even if he didn't physically shove Remus, his voice was always the loudest when it came to the laughter.

"Aw, did we hurt your ickle feelings scar-face?" Remus flinched but tried to ignore them as he made an attempt to push past the group. James reached out, grabbing onto his patch-work robe, "I was talking to you Lupin." He jerked him back and held him in place.

"Let go of me!" He squirmed and tried to strike James, but James caught his fist and held it there. "Quit squirming brat!" James grabbed onto Remus' hair, causing him to yelp in surprise and immediately stop struggling. "Much better," James said, shoving Remus forward by his hair. "Who wants the first go? Sirius?"

He stared wide eyed and terrified up at his friend. "Sirius please..." Remus pleaded. Turning his shoulder to the boy he crossed his arms over his chest. Remus let out the breath he'd be holding just in time for it to be knocked out of him as he tumbled the floor. He glanced up at his attacker, seeing Sirius standing over him.

He could feel the tears welling up in eyes long before they started to fall. He cringed away from Sirius' sneering face. "You're such a cry-baby Lupin." The three boys laughed loudly and cruelly before turning on Remus and walking down the hallway.

He sat on the floor, completely stunned by what has had just happened. Suddenly a vibrant red headed girl was had his heels. "Are you okay? I saw what they did to you! Here, let me help you." She dropped her books and offered him her hand. Remus stared at her hand for a few moments, still not believing.

Slowly he reached out, taking her hand and allowing her to pull him up. "Those boys are just nasty! They think they're cool. They're nothing but a bunch of jerks. Picking on someone like that." She glanced back towards Remus and offered him an embarrassed smile. "I'm Sorry. My name is Lily Evans." She held her hand out towards him again, this time Remus gratefully took it in his own.

"Remus Lupin." She nodded, accepting it. "You don't think I did anything to deserve what they did?" She turned her bright green eyes on him shocked.

"Deserve that? I don't think anyone deserves that! I know that James Potter, he lives on my street. He's really mean. He picks on all the neighborhood kids, he's _always_ in trouble. I don't think a quiet boy like you did anything but exist, and that's what ticked him off."

He walked with the girl not really knowing where they were going until they found themselves in front of the library. "Are you going to go in?" Lily asked him after a few minutes of standing in front of the room. "I.. I actually need to go find someone. Thanks for the help," He waved to her as he sped down the hallway in search of another boy.

-&-

Sirius had felt guilty, of course he had. Not only had he been a jerk, but he ruined a friendship along the way. So he stood, brooding alone in the great hall. He wasn't hungry, but he could never deny a good meal. He glanced up in time to the sandy haired boy standing in front of him, pain etched across his face.

"I knew I'd find you here."

He averted his eyes and gave a soft grunt in reply. "Are you going to avoid me," Remus asked him hurt. Sirius dropped the chicken bone onto his plate and thought it over. If he ignores Remus, he doesn't have to admit what he's done, but he loses their friendship. If he talks about it, Remus hates him and he loses their friendship. Either way he couldn't win.

"I wasn't planning to," he replied shortly. Remus sighed and slunk down onto the bench across from Sirius. "Why did you do it Sir.." it was hard to keep the pain out of his voice. "Why are you on my case?" Sirius threw back at him, causing Remus to flinch. Running a hand through his messy, curly hair he lifted his eyes to face Remus.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Can we go somewhere else and talk?" He got to his feet and guided Remus out of the room and towards an empty classroom. Closing the door behind himself he leaned against it heavily.

Remus leaned against a small, old forgotten desk and stared at Sirius wearily. It took all Remus had to keep his heart and feelings intact. "I want to fit in, Remus." "So do I Sirius! But I don't go shoving kids around to do so."

Sirius clenched his fists at his sides trying to keep his own feelings together. "But I want to fit in with the guys who shove people around!" Remus stared at Sirius for a long time, lost in thought. "What happened to the Sirius I knew? You wouldn't hurt a fly and suddenly you're hurting human beings. You're hurting your friends Sirius! You want to fit in so badly you're willing to hurt anybody."

"We weren't that great of friends," Sirius muttered. Remus stared dumbstruck at the boy. "Who are you.."

"Oh come off it Rem. You always did tag around me like a lost puppy," he shot him a look. "It was rather annoying now that I think about it." Remus could feel his body trembling, not believing what was coming from his friends mouth.

"They've brainwashed you.." slowly Remus lowered his gaze and stared at his hand willing away the tears. "Look, I won't tell anyone about your secret, if that's what you're worried about," Sirius told him.

His head snapped up fast and he glared at Sirius causing the boy to shutter away from him. "I just don't think we should be friends right now. It's nothing against you." Remus threw his hands up in the air, the tears now falling.

"Of course not. Come find me when it's in your convenience to be friends again," he turned on the boy, ready to leave, when Sirius caught his robes and pulled him back into his arms. "Don't give me that Remus. I just mean we shouldn't be friends in public. I'll come visit you in the Ravenclaw common room."

Remus squirmed in his grip, trying to pry the boy off of him. "Oh bugger off Sirius! I don't want anything to do with you. Go hang out with your fake friends and do us both a favor by disappearing out of my life!"

Sirius sighed and let the boy go, watching his retreating back. He stood there, sputtering, unable to form real words.

-&-

"So you're friends with that boy?" Lily asked him while finishing her paper with a few hearts and swirls. She smiled down at her work, approving of her design job along the edges. "I was," Remus corrected her finishing his own work. "I'm not anymore. If he wants to be a jerk, I'd rather not be his friend."

"But didn't you know him _before_ you came here. Weren't you friends for a long time?" He was tired of going over it with her. It seemed like they had been in the library all morning going over the same details.

"Yes Lily, I knew him before I came here. We lived in the same area and hung out when his mum permitted it or just didn't care. He was my only friend. We did so much together; but now it seems it was only in vain. I don't know why he wanted to fit in so badly he was willing to hurt me."

She smiled at him sadly and patted his shoulder every now and then. He was glad he found some comfort in Lily. She was a good friend, albeit a bit annoying sometimes. She was the only one who reached out and talked to him instead of making fun or just plain ignoring him.

"I don't think he deserves to be your friend anyways. What kind of friend just throws a relationship like that out the window?" Remus half-listened to her go on and on. His eyes grazed over the library, his one safe zone. As soon as he dashed into the library the boys would stop following him. They made it their personal goal to go out of their way just to torment him. Sirius was becoming especially cruel.

He'd shove Remus just a bit harder to get his point across. He pulled things from their past together to insult him about. Whether it be the way he trailed around Sirius or something much more private, it didn't matter to Sirius as long as he could use it against him.

But Remus was getting smarter about the boys. He knew what time they ate at, so he'd either eat later or earlier than they did. He knew the places they frequented and made sure to stay clear of those areas. On the occasion they would catch him in the hallway and back him into a corner. Of course no one else would do anything; they were all relieved that Remus was getting most of the torment instead of them.

Teachers and Prefects stood up for him, but it was starting to become a hassle. No matter how many times the group was punished it would only fuel their anger and the torment would pick up ten fold. And course there was always Lily. It seems she was the only thing the boys were truly terrified of. The ickle first year could pack a punch with her words when she really meant it.

But behind her back they'd tease Remus about having a girl stick up for him. In the end, she just made things worse. Remus thought about telling her they shouldn't be friends, hoping the teasing would lessen, but he didn't want to do what Sirius had did to him. He liked Lily after all, but he wanted the other three boys to like him enough not to pick on him.

He forced himself back into the present as Lily just stared at him. "Remus? Did you hear what I just said?" "Oh, yeah Lily. I was listening to everything you said." She smiled at him sweetly, "It's getting late, I'll se you later." He watched her fiery red hair disappear out the door before slumping over.

His head reared as a familar cold voice echoed in his ear, "Now that your _girlfriend's_ gone Loony Lupin, who's going to protect you now?"


End file.
